Save a tree, Burn a book

1) Who for the love of god decides to try making toast (and failing) at 5.30am in a hotel/b&b?

2) What kind of interior designer puts the fire alarm 3 ft from my head so that when it goes off and I’m hungover I wake up thinking it’s the coming of the apocalypse? And I’m late.

3) Why didn’t I put more clothing on before evacuating. Because standing at the roadside in the rain wearing shorts and a Bender t shirt that says “bite my shiny metal ass” really isn’t a good look…